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Kelly Shanley
Kelly Shanley

1.6K Followers

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Published in Slackjaw

·Pinned

Introducing: For Love Or Peanut Butter

Would you give up peanut butter for love? Sorry: could you give up peanut butter for love? Yes, that’s the kind of critical thinking we’ll be doing in this column. (If you have a peanut allergy, or don’t like peanut butter — WTF, BTW — simply substitute your favorite snack…

Humor

5 min read

Introducing: For Love Or Peanut Butter
Introducing: For Love Or Peanut Butter
Humor

5 min read


Published in Slackjaw

·Pinned

David Attenborough Presents: A Drunken Thirty-Something Female Coming Home Alone (Again)

Here we have a thirty-something female returning home from the rare, wild night out. Single, and intoxicated.

Humor

5 min read

David Attenborough Presents: A Drunken Thirty-Something Female Coming Home Alone (Again)
David Attenborough Presents: A Drunken Thirty-Something Female Coming Home Alone (Again)
Humor

5 min read


Published in Slackjaw

·Jan 21, 2022

So Long, Farewell, This Has Been A Delight

I can’t believe I finally got it right — Well, we’ve reached the end. The bottom of the metaphorical peanut butter jar. It’s been quite a journey. I shared awful dates with you: the mortification they brought me, the lack of second dates they got me, the eventual lessons they taught me. Then I shared the good dates: the…

Humor

6 min read

So Long, Farewell, This Has Been A Delight
So Long, Farewell, This Has Been A Delight
Humor

6 min read


Published in Slackjaw

·Dec 23, 2021

You Had Me At “Hey, Girl…”

Turns out I REALLY fell for dick pics… — Trigger warning: If you have become bitter and jaded from dating (totally understandable), this column may cause you to have a reaction similar to vomiting. I take no responsibility for your keyboard or your clothes. If you choose to read on, know that this will get mushy. You’ve been warned. …

Dating

7 min read

You Had Me At “Hey, Girl…”
You Had Me At “Hey, Girl…”
Dating

7 min read


Published in Slackjaw

·Dec 9, 2021

A Text Message Essay From A 42-Year-Old Man

Thesis: It’s not me, it’s you. — Faithful readers, we’ve nearly reached the end of the story! The man I gave up peanut butter for will be revealed to you oh so soon. (If you’re joining us for the first time, click here to start from the beginning!) When we last parted, Carter had gotten clingy and…

Humor

8 min read

A Text Message Essay From A 42-Year-Old Man
A Text Message Essay From A 42-Year-Old Man
Humor

8 min read


Published in Slackjaw

·Nov 26, 2021

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

But if you cry sometimes, you might find… You still want the same thing. — We’re down to the finals. It’s Carter vs. Dex. Hot Neighbor vs. Dick Pic Guy. Good on Paper vs. Recently Separated. Who will emerge the legume intolerant victor of my heart? Only one way to find out… Carter and I had our next date at his house again. Did I…

Humor

8 min read

You Can’t Always Get What You Want
You Can’t Always Get What You Want
Humor

8 min read


Published in Slackjaw

·Nov 16, 2021

Breaking Up Is Hard To Text

“I’m just not as into puns as you are.” Wait, what? — Last column, it was revealed that Brooks (my childhood dreamboat and longtime family friend), was not the man I ended up with. Yeah, we’re getting somewhere now. Thinning the herd, so to speak. …

Humor

7 min read

Breaking Up Is Hard To Text
Breaking Up Is Hard To Text
Humor

7 min read


Published in Slackjaw

·Nov 4, 2021

When Your Mom Likes Him But Your Vagina Doesn’t

And when his mom likes YOU but HE doesn’t. — To catch up on all things Love vs. Peanut Butter, you can start with my first date with Aiden, first date with Brooks, and my second dates with both are conveniently located in one salacious entry for your viewing pleasure. Or you can just dive right in and wing it…

Humor

7 min read

When Your Mom Likes Him But Your Vagina Doesn’t
When Your Mom Likes Him But Your Vagina Doesn’t
Humor

7 min read


Published in Slackjaw

·Oct 29, 2021

David Attenborough Presents: A Thirty-Something Female Attending A Halloween Party

Our thirty-something female arrives unaccompanied and “fashionably late,” which is what humans call being tardy on purpose. She likely delayed her entrance so as not to have her time bogarted by some lonesome, early-arriving partygoer who lacks the ability to read social cues. She is dressed as a tourist, as…

Halloween Party

5 min read

David Attenborough Presents: A Thirty-Something Female Attending A Halloween Party
David Attenborough Presents: A Thirty-Something Female Attending A Halloween Party
Halloween Party

5 min read


Published in Slackjaw

·Oct 14, 2021

How Hot Neighbor And Dick Pic Dude Got To Know Me Better

Wondering who Hot Neighbor and Dick Pic Dude are? See below for some handy recaps and links to the full stories if you need to catch up! If you’re all caught up, thank you for reading every week! You’ll get your reward in heaven. (That’s what my grandpa always said…

Humor

8 min read

How Hot Neighbor And Dick Pic Dude Got To Know Me Better
How Hot Neighbor And Dick Pic Dude Got To Know Me Better
Humor

8 min read

Kelly Shanley

Kelly Shanley

1.6K Followers

LA based writer and comedian/mountain girl at heart. Fitness enthusiast, world traveler, loud laugher. https://www.clippings.me/users/kellyshanley

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